CodeName: Houdini

CodeName: Houdini 

Regular seat belt? Just a few minutes.

Five point harness? A little over an hour.

Modified five point harness? Less than an hour.

So, how do you keep a child in their safety seat when they can watch you strap them in once and then completely reverse your work in a matter of minutes? Answer: You can't.

Our little butterfly has definitely showed us that when she puts her mind to something, there is no stopping her. She's almost too smart for her own good. In a few cases, with trying to come up with creative ways to stop her from getting out of her seat, it's taken us longer to strap her in, then it did for her to get out.

At first glance it can all seem pretty harmless. She stands at the back of the bus, waving to the cars behind her, smiling and giggling when they wave back. Of course, the reality is, it's dangerous. If there was ever an accident, she'd get seriously injured... and then there is the issue with her popping open the emergency hatch. 

Our last resort, before the last-last resort was to try a contraption that I wasn't really all that comfortable with. I kept telling myself that it was for her safety, and in the end that's all that really matters. Which is true, but strapping her into this... thing... that almost looks like a sleeveless straitjacket, just made me weary. There are zippers and hooks and clips and straps and on the seat of the bus,  there are four points where she gets hooked in. She can't move to get out, but she also can't move at all. 

She seemed to like the actual harness. It was snug, and she likes things that 'hug' her, but once strapped in, her inability to move, even a little, wasn't something she was okay with, but... we gave it a try. 

This thing is said to be 'inescapable', so we had high hopes that this would teach her that she's not allowed to get up and run around the bus, but the first day home, she'd gotten the bottom two buckles undone. By the second day, she's gotten out entirely, going so far as to figure out how to unzip the harness, that was zipped IN THE BACK. 

I still don't know how she did it.

A common misconception when it comes to children with autism is that they're some how less intelligent, or they're 'slow'. Well, ask any parent who has their own little Houdini if they'd agree with those statements. They'd give you a loud, resounding 'NO'. 

Baby gates, with the most intricate locking systems are unlocked before you get downstairs. Window and door alarms are turned off with the long arm of a broom, or anything else they find to flip the switch. Seat belts, restraints... whatever you want to call them. Useless.

I've seen Bella open a door, protected with top notch doorknob covers faster then most people can open them without the cover! She seems to figure out how to get around child safety measures faster then the adults can.

So... our last-last resort is to add another aide to her list of helpers. A bus aide, whose sole job will be to ride the bus to and from school with her just to make sure she stays in her seat.

While we, her parents, and her teachers, and the school and even the DOT are concerned with her safety, the only thing Miss Bella has to say about it? She hates the harness cause she can't wave to her 'friends'.

Here's Miss Bella showing off her new bus harness. She enjoyed wearing it, until we actually had to put her on the bus with it. It took her two days to figure out how to escape from the 'inescapable harness'. 

“My Little Wanderer”

Imagine, if you will, getting ready to leave the house. You've got three little ones roaming around, excited to venture outside, a diaper bag or two to pack and a mental checklist that gets longer everyday of things you have to remember before leaving the house. You open the door and turn to grab, whatever you need to grab, and before you can say “crap!”, you’re middle child has slipped out the door with cat like contortion. By the time you get the door all the way open, she’s already darting between the cars on her way to the middle of the parking lot.

Time stops for a minute as you run every scenario of what “could” happen through your head. You know that the people you live around zoom in and out of the parking lot without a care in the world sometimes. They wouldn’t be able to stop if they wanted to if she suddenly appeared in front of them from behind one of those parked cars.

It’s one of those situations where you catch her, just in time, but don’t remember moving from the doorway because your brain was too busy thinking up the above scenario.

Well, that has happened to us a few times. It seems, no matter how well we watch Bella, she manages to get away from us. She’s what the autistic community calls a “runner” or a “wanderer”. Some older autistic people are called “escape artists” because it seems no matter what you do, they manage to find a way to get out of the house.

There are a few known reasons why they run. Some wander simply due to being distracted. They hear a noise that they want to find or see something they want to explore. Sometimes they may actually run to get away from a noise that is causing them some discomfort or a situation they find overwhelming or overstimulating. The repetitive sound their feet make when they hit the pavement, the feeling they get when they are in motion… all ways of self-comforting.

Just under half of all autistic children and adults are “runners”. Almost half of all of them are non-verbal or has serious issues with communication. Worst case scenario would be that they run or wander away quickly and get lost. They are unable to communicate their names, addresses or phone numbers.

Being hit by a car and drowning are the two top causes of death for known autistic runners.

We’ve asked our property manager if we could put up a sign that warns drivers that there is an autistic child present. We were told “no” because it’s “our job to keep her out of the street”. While this is true, there are times when she does get away. It would just be nice if the people who lived around us knew to please slow down.

Our next option is to ask to build a fence around our yard. The Peoples with Disabilities Act should allow us to do this without question. This would be more than helpful when we take the kids outside. Not having to chase Bella around the entire time we’re outside would definitely lower the stress level and increase the things we can do along with obviously, keeping her safe and out of the street.

There are some things that parents of autistic runners can do both at home and when you’re out in public.

At home, make sure you utilize child safety locks, knob covers and baby gates. Pretty much whatever you can use to keep your child inside. Put a sign on your door to let people coming in and out know that you’re child might try to sneak out behind them. We’ve had to do this with Bella since she takes any opportunity she can find to get out the door. There have been many times when she’s slipped right past someone and they didn’t even know it until she was running ahead of them. For older children and adults who can get passed locks and knob covers, some have resorted to using door alarms. While it can be pricy to install these alarms, some say that it’s the only thing that they can do.

Running and wandering are also considered stims and autistic people do it for the same reason they spin. Comfort. Sometimes, trying to get rid of the behavior all together can actually cause more anxiety and frustration, so try to give your child a safe place to run. While no amount of running will “get it out their system”, it can help take the urge off running when they shouldn’t.

When you’re out in public, and your child walks on their own but is prone to wander off, consider using a child harness. Also known as a kid “leash”, they aren’t exactly the most popular contraptions in the world, but the safety of your child should be your first concern. We’ve used this with Bella on a couple trips to the zoo and when we take our family walks and even though we have gotten some snide looks and comments, she had a great time being able to walk by herself instead of being trapped in a stroller.

If you’re going out with a large group of friends or family, make sure they all know about your childs tendency to wander or run. The more eyes on the lookout, the better. Also, tying a balloon to your childs wrist will make them easier to spot if by chance, they do get separated from you.

A couple of high tech ideas include electronic monitors that sound an alarm when your childs wanders too far from you. GPS trackers are similar in that each parent has one as does the child. If you’re child were to get lost, the GPS could give you an exact location.

An ID bracelet, similar to a medical alert bracelet can be worn by your child and if they get lost, their information will be easy to find. Another popular idea used by a lot of parents is a “Book of Me”. A little laminated book that contains vital information and contact info that’s worn around your childs neck.

Also, children who are non-verbal, rarely answer to their names. If your child begins to wander off and you need them to stop, consider singing their favorite song. Bella responds to “Twinkle, twinkle little star” better than her own name and I’ve done this frequently to get her to stop in the tracks so I had time to get her. At home, sing the song with your child a lot. Do a little dance or a clapping game to it. I’ve had Bella stop whatever she was doing to join in. Don’t feel silly if you ever have to do in public. Trust me, the odd looks you’ll get matter little when your childs safety is in question.

Having an autistic child that runs or wanders is just another issues you have to deal with. Experimenting with different ways to curb the behavior can get tedious and tiring, but every time you learn to handle a certain issue, life will get just a little bit easier.

Wish us luck on getting that fence!

Running for Bella is a thing of joy... she loves running with her sister.