Search for the Super Hero Therapy Dog

A couple of weeks ago, we were told that we should look into getting Bella an Autism Therapy Dog. I was handed some paperwork with some highlighted sections that more than applied to Bella, telling me why a therapy dog could work wonders for some of her issues. The part that stuck out to me the most was the part about “runners”.

It started last summer before we got Bella’s diagnoses. When we would take our afternoon walks, she would fight to get out of her stroller. Being as she’d just learned how to walk shortly before, she was still a little wobbly on her feet. Even with that, she would try to run. It seemed harmless, so we’d let her. Cy would go ahead of us, and we’d let her run back and forth between us. Rayne would join in, but would tire out long before Bella would. As she got older and more nimble, she would run faster for longer periods of time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a child enjoy running as much as Bella did. The smile on her face was one of pure joy, simply to be running back and forth. One day, we turned the corner from our quiet street to the main road. Still on the sidewalk, I tried to keep her close to me, unaware of what was about to happen. In the blink of an eye, she darted out towards the road, completely uneffected by the cars whizzing by. I understand it NOW, but then, my heart stopped beating for a second and all I could see was my little girl being hit by a car and it being all my fault for not stopping her. Thankfully, the car was far enough away where it could slow down and give me a chance to grab her. When we were told that autistic children have no concept of danger and have boundary issues, that day made sense. When we found out that autistic children were known to run off, it scared me a little. What happens if one day, she manages to get away from us again? Where we live, there is little space between our houses, the sidewalk and the parking lot. If she ran out into the parking lot between the cars, no car pulling in would have a chance to stop. We’re very careful when it comes to being outside, but even the most observant parent can’t watch their child every single second. Unfortunately, with things like this, all it takes is that single second for something awful to happen.

The reason so many autistic children run, is the same reason they hit or pinch themselves, it gives them a sense of where they are in relation to their surroundings. When Bella runs, she can “feel” where she is in space.

The memory of that day was triggered when I read that autism therapy dogs can not only reduce the urge to run, they can save a child’s life if, by chance, the child does get away and starts to run towards danger. Along with that, the dog is trained to look for cues leading to a meltdown, it signals parents when the child is doing something unsafe, like putting non-food items in their mouths. At night, they are trained to lay with a child, and help them relax, until they fall asleep.

I was referred to the website Autism Service Dogs of America (ASDA) and I have to say, what they do with these dogs is nothing short of amazing. Every case of autism is different with different issues effecting different children. This organization takes into account YOUR child and what their specific issues are and trains the dog accordingly. In order to train the dogs to fit the specific needs of each child, the process can take up to one year. Of course for something this involved, the price of these dogs is considerable. The average price is $13, 500 accepted in the form a donation to the organization. When you are accepted into the program, they send you a fundraising package to help you figure out how to raise the money if you can’t immediately afford it. The majority of insurances do not cover therapy dogs.

We’ve been really considering this and we both agree that it would benefit Bella incredibly. We still have some time to figure it all out since the program won’t accept her until she is 4 years old. There is also a sister program that will let you pick out a dog (that meets the requirements) and put you in touch with someone who will train the dog for you. It’s not as involved, so it’s a little cheaper, but the dog will be trained in all the basic therapy criteria instead of specifically for your child. Either way, it would probably help.

We go back and forth on it. We know that we’d never be able to afford it. We’ve considered the fundraising and I’ve looked into it a lot over the last week or so.  I have to say that we’re a little lost on what to do.

So, I’m going to ask for some advice. Please feel free to voice your opinion.
What would you do? Do you think that an investment of thirteen and half thousand dollars is worth what you’d get for it?

Anyone have any tips on how to go about putting on a fundraiser?

At Home Therapy… on a budget.

Bella attends class twice a week. The rest of the week it’s up to Cy and I to continue doing all we can to help her improve. I had the honor of observing what Bella’s teachers do with her while she’s there and I got to see what her speech therapist does when they have their one-on-one time. One of Bella’s favorite times is when she gets to go to the sensory room.

You can order at home therapy tools online, but the prices can get a little steep. We have found that making your own not only saves money, but can get the whole family involved.

A few basic ideas to battle some of the most common issues that autistic children have (especially those effected by sensory integration).

• Earmuffs. A basic pair of earmuffs worn out when you know you’ll be in a large, crowded, noisy atmosphere. Headphones meet the same goal, and you can even play some calming music if you’d like. 
• Fidget toys are things that you can give your child when they are anxious or seem nervous for no real reason. It’s easy to make these and they are similar to “stress balls”. A balloon filled with rice is a perfect “fidget toy”. It can be hard to get the rice in there, but it only takes about half a cup. Tied securely, it makes a simply and easy toy for your child to squish and kneed. 
• A pop up tent. You can find these at almost any big retail store. They simply pop open into a one person tent. The enclosed spaced will help your child feel less anxious and having their own quiet space to retreat to can do wonders when they are feeling overwhelmed. 
• Soft bristle brushes. Brush therapy can help calm a child down or help them prepare for bedtime. Very soft bristles, rubbed along the arms, leg, back and tummy provides a soothing feeling while stimulating the senses. This can also be done with a tennis ball, a vibrating massager or you can do deep tissue massage yourself. 

You can make great therapy items yourself using stuff that you probably already have around your house. Some of them might require a little money, but all in all, it’s a much cheaper way to get the same types of therapy items they use in hospitals and schools, at home.

• A ball pit. A large box (or anything you can find really), big enough for your child to sit in and lay down in, lined with plastic (secured) and filled with colorful plastic balls. You can find the balls at most stores and it will run you about $20. A ball pit creates a multi-sensory environment. The balls massage the entire body and create deep pressure sensation. It encourages relaxation and helps with gross motor skills. 
• Weighted items. Weighted vest, jackets and blankets can help your child feel more centered and grounded. We bought Bella a child’s sized Tinkerbell backpack to wear. The general rule of thumb is to add 15% of your child’s weight to the item. So we placed 2, two pound weights in the backpack and it really seems to help her not feel like she has to constantly move around to feel better. You can make a weighted blanket by sewing bean bags (or Ziplock bags filled with rice or sand) into the edges of a favorite blanket. Also, a sleeping bag (child size) with added weight sewn in can help as well. They will like the feeling of being wrapped up and the added weight will help with sensory issues. 
• Bean Bags. For children who like to “crash”, meaning they like the feeling of their bodies crashing into things, you can purchase bean bags. It will give them a comfortable place to sit, fall into or lay on. An easy alternative is to use the cushions on your couch. We lay ours out on the living room floor and encourage Bella to jump, fall, roll and crawl on them. 
• Sensory tables. Find an old table, trim the legs down so it’s “kid’s height” and glue (or others wise secure) five or six shallow containers to it. Then fill each container with a different textured substance. Water, shaving cream, sand, flour mixed with water, baby powder, small pebbles or rocks. Then let your child go at it. Take the time to play with it too. This can get messy (but that’s the point!) so I suggest laying down some painters plastic and not doing this over carpet. 

Other easy things you can find for cheap that really help are large shape puzzles, shape sorters, blocks (the larger the better) that can be stacked up high. Bubbles! Everyone loves bubbles and believe it or not, simply blowing bubbles while your little one chases them around can help with hand eye coordination, motor skills and if you do it with siblings it can even help with anxiety when it comes to social interaction.

The following are larger items that may take a little construction, but are still totally worth giving a whirl.

• Swings. Indoor therapy swings can do great things for children with autism. It requires a little more assembly, but can be done easily with the right tools. I’ve heard of people using those circular plastic sleds you can find in any store during the winter or just a sturdy board covered with soft carpet swatches. Using sturdy rope or chain, secure it to the swing and then mount it to your ceiling. (If you know someone with construction skills, ask them to mount it to the ceiling to make sure it’s safe and secure). 
• Tubes, tents and steps. Taking a lot of the single items and putting them together creates kind of an obstacle course. You can find “fun tubes” at stores or you can make your own (that’s a little harder to explain and construct, but you can find these fun tubes for pretty cheap). You can put a tube into the entrance of a pop up tent for added stimulation. Foam mats or stacked cushions can work like unbalanced steps to help with coordination and motor skills. 
• Another great item is a single person trampoline. With this one, I think you’ll just have to buy one. Might not be as cheap, but it’s definitely a helpful piece of equipment to have. A hand rail/bar for your child to hold is a much needed addition to a single person trampoline, so make sure it comes with one if you buy one. 

I know that I don’t need to, but I feel like I should say that ALL of these ideas are meant to be used with adult supervision. One of the greatest benefits of these at home therapy items is to do them with your child. It promotes a connection, interaction and socialization, especially when other kids or siblings are involved.

There will be a follow up to this post in the coming weeks. We are in the process right now of finishing up a few at home therapy tools and when they are done, we’re going to take pictures of everything and share them as well as anything else we come up with along the way.

Remember, April is Autism Awareness Month

April 2nd is Autism Awareness Day

Mythbusters

The news media has perfected the art of spinning a hot topic and spreading less than accurate information. What is the point of raising awareness if the information you’re sending out there is incorrect? With so much misinformation out there, that keeps getting repeated, I thought that I’d bring to light a few of the repeat offenders.

Myth:
All autistic people are the same.
Truth:
“Like a snowflake, no two are the same.” When you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met ONE person with autism.

Myth:
Autistic children have no emotions and are unable to feel or give love.
Truth:
To those that don’t know someone with autism, it could seem that way. For those of us who do, it’s clear that not only can they feel love, they can express it. Just not in the same way that neuro-typical people do.

Myth:
Autism is caused by “cold, distant” mothers.
Truth:
Trust me. I was neither cold nor distant to any of my kids. Years ago, doctors used to tell mothers that autism was their fault. Caused by a failure of the mother to bond with their child. We all know that this isn’t true, but there are still a handful of old fashioned doctors out there who think that a failure to bond causes autism.

Myth:
Autistic children are unable to learn.
Truth:
Quite the contrary. Autistic children are capable of learning new skills. Those that are non-verbal are able to learn to talk in most cases and sometimes, they can even excel at certain subjects.

Myth:
Autism can be cured.
Truth:
While an autistic person can make progress with certain issues they may have, there is no cure for autism. A non-verbal child leaning to talk doesn’t mean they’ve been cured and getting older and being able to handle certain situations better doesn’t mean they’ve “grown out of it”. Fortunately, a large percentage of those with autism will be able to live relatively  normal lives. With the right therapies and teaching, independent living is a reasonable goal. A small number will need care throughout their lives, usually those who have other conditions or have a lower functioning form of autism.

Myth:
Autism is the same as mental retardation.
Truth:
Autism is a neurological disorder resulting in a developmental disability causing difficulties in social interaction, language acquisition, and attention to the normal range of environmental events. Those with mental retardation can sometimes also have autism, which is why the two are sometimes confused as one single issue.

Myth:
If your child has autism, it means you did something wrong as a parent. 
Truth:
While the cause of autism isn’t known, what we do know is that no particular parenting style or lifestyle causes it. While there are groups out there who think that lack of discipline, certain eating habits and other environmental factors can result in having an autistic child, there is no evidence whatsoever that proves their outlandish accusations.

Myth:
When you’re child turns two, they’ll stop responding and “forget” how to talk.
Truth:
A recent news segment I saw that was supposed to be bringing “awareness” to autism, told parents that you’re child would develop normally until age two, when they’d suddenly forget how to talk, interact and make eye contact. For a reputable news station, I don’t know where they got their “facts”. While it is common for children to develop totally normal for awhile, none of the signs just happen. There are “red flags” and other signs all the way up until you get a diagnosis. Also, as in our case, Bella didn’t learn to talk and then stop. She never developed the ability at all. Regressive is more common but it is possible for a child to have a non-regressive form of autism.

These, along with many other, “facts” have been falsely reported in the news, TV and movies. We all know that drama makes a better story sometimes, but it can also create a false sense of knowledge for people. In order for people to better understand such a complicated disorder, it’s best to spread information that’s honest and true. I’m sure as time goes on, there will be a part 2 and 3 to this post.

Correcting those that might repeat one of these myths, can only go to help get the right information out there.

REMEMBER

Bella Counts To Four (Video)

It took some time, but I finally got Bella counting on video. She never says "five" because she's always expecting tickles. Guess we'll work on that next. Either way, here she is, counting to four! Yay!!

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“So, What’s Her Special Talent?”

Daniel Tammet, Ellen Boudreaux, Stephen Wiltshire, Kim Peek... you might not know who these people are, but they all have one thing in common. They are all autistic or severely mentally handicapped, and considered to be savants. Brilliant, genius, gifted, profound. All words used to described these people. Below average intelligence, is also used to describe them.

A common misconception with autistic people is that they are stupid. That they are slow or unable to learn. It’s actually quite the contrary. While some may register lower in certain areas, they can also excel in certain subjects. If there was a word to use beyond “excel”, that would explain it even better.

I’ve done a lot of reading up on what are called “autistic savants”, not because I hope this for Bella, but because I get asked a lot, “what is Bella really good at.” I can say with a degree of certainty that most of this stems from movies like “Rain Man”. While there is nothing wrong with that, since it does happen, it tends to make people think that ALL autistic people have a streak of genius in them, and when they don’t, there is something wrong with them. Ironic if you think about it. Something wrong because they’re NOT genius. Go figure.

One of the names I mentioned above, Kim Peek, is said to be the inspiration for Dustin Hoffman’s character in the movie “Rain Man”. This is a man who was born with severe mental disabilities. His IQ is well below normal and he could never do simple things like button his own shirt, but amazingly, he’s read over 12 thousand books.  He can read two pages in three seconds. The left page with the left eye and the right page with the right eye. He can recite everything he’s ever read, to the page number. Stephen Wiltshire, also known as the human camera, was born autistic. He didn’t learn to talk until the age of nine, but showed a great talent for drawing. He can draw perfect replicas of city landscapes and skylines after only seeing them once. He once drew a 33 foot long panoramic view of Tokyo, after seeing it once during a fleeting helicopter ride. His work is amazing and it's crazy to think that he's drawn these from memory. Ellen Boudreaux, is a blind autistic who has an incredible talent for music. She can remember and play any song she’s ever heard. She once heard the phone tell her what time it was when she was eight years old. Since then, she’s known exactly what time it is, to the second, able to keep a “mental digital clock” in her head.

These are impressive people with impressive talents. Their parents were all told that they needed to be institutionalized. Can you imagine? These people never would have had the chance to showcase and share these amazing talents with the world.

Bella, to me, is already amazing. She does show an affinity for music. She has an amazing ability to match the tone of music she hears. She doesn’t sing, she just vocalizes along. She loves to dance and because of her hyperflexibility, she can do pretty awesome twisty, bendy things. As I said before, she is still considered non-verbal, but she has shown that she can match, or mimic sounds, specifically numbers.

The possibilities are endless really and as her mother, I do hope that she finds something that she loves to do and excels at it. I guess I just wish that people didn’t expect it from her already, I mean, she’s only two. She’s got plenty of time.

A friend we were chatting with a bit ago said something that made sense. It’s like when you lose one sense, and your other senses overcompensate to make up for it. Maybe it’s kind of like that. They lose the ability to do simple tasks, but gain an amazing ability to eclipse the norms of something else. They say that autistic people are “locked in their own heads”, but maybe that’s how they discover that they have these talents in there.

It truly is something to be in awe of. These perplexing talents given to those who some consider inferior. I, being considered “normal” could only wish to have a sliver of some of their talent.

Can you imagine how the world would be if we were all able to tap into that little bit of genius that hides in our heads?

8 Ways to Communicate without Words

Although our daughter is beginning to form words, mostly the numbers one through four, we still have a long journey ahead when it comes to her speech and communication. I wanted to share a few of the methods we've tried in hopes that it might help someone else.

Pictures Cards
Autistic children don’t interpret pictures the same way that a typical brain does. We tried printing out pictures of her favorite things to turn into Flash Cards, but I read that Bella would understand it better if it was an actual picture. So, we took pictures of her favorite movie, snack and drink and then a picture of a diaper and her blanket. We printed these out at home, but you can print them at any photo kiosk. We found these magnet sleeves at Wal-Mart where you just slide the picture in and stick it to the fridge. The intent being that she can grab, or tap the picture when she wants that object. This worked well with Bella until she realized they could be taken off the fridge. Then they seemed to become toys. She would routinely pull them off and put them back on for fun. Also, this method doesn’t help when you’re away from home.

Sign Language
American Sign Language is one of the most popular ways to teach a non-verbal child to communicate. We taught Bella the most basic signs that she would use everyday. “More”, “drink”, “food”.  Then we would add another sign in as we went. Sign language is relatively easy to teach, but it does depend on how much your child can understand and comprehend at once. Our trail and error resulted in about 20 mins, three times a day. Any more than that and Bella would lose focus. Less than that and it would take longer for her to learn the sign. For us, Bella used five signs that she’d learned for almost two weeks. Then, for whatever reason, she just stopped. It’s been about four months now and she hasn’t used a sign since. Every time I sit her down to try again, she “protests”. I’m not a hundred percent on why she’s so resistant to use signs, but I think it’s in part to the fact that she’s created some of her own.

Observe. Interpret. Learn
Observing your child’s facial expressions, hand gestures and any change in tone of their vocalizing can be a great help at indicating what they are in need of. Learning to interpret the little signals your child gives you will not come easily. With Bella, it’s hard to decipher what is a motion for help and what is just another stim. It’s taken awhile, but now, when Bella does something like, tug on her lip, that’s her telling us that she’s thirsty. I think this might be why she didn’t take to traditional sign language. Bella has three or four signs that’s she’s made up and uses almost every day. They may be made up, but they work for her. So, if you’re child does a certain “stim”, observe what else is going on. It could possibly be them trying to indicate to you that they want something and they are telling you in their own way.

Text to Speech Programs
There are many computer  programs out there that can translate text or typed words into computerized verbal speech. Of course, we have yet to try anything like this due to the fact that Bella can’t read or write yet. She’s only two, but, for those who are older and have access, these types of programs can work wonders to help lessen the barrier for non-verbal autistic children and adults. Hacking Autism is a great site dedicated to apps for tablets and smart phones that were designed and created to help autistic children communicate. We have tired a few of these with varying success.

Make Contact
While most of the methods Cy and I have tried are to the benefit of our daughter, we reminds ourselves everyday that we are learning too. While most autistic children are resistant to physical contact, we make sure to engage in some kind of affectionate contact with Bella as much as she’ll allow. A quick hug or a kiss on the cheek while saying “I love you”, might not mean much to her right now, but it does make us feel better. I’d like to think that by doing this, Bella feels more comfortable. Even though it’s more for us than it is for her, it can’t hurt.

Repetitive Educational Videos
You can purchase DVD’s aimed at pre-schoolers to help your child. Repetition has long been proven to help teach children basic education. There are many options available, some that are even aimed at autistic children specifically. Watching them together with Bella has actually been quite fun. We get to see how she reacts to certain videos. We’ve noticed that she really likes the ones with a lot of music and doesn’t really care too much for ones that star “talking big eyed animals”. The only downfall to this method is that you’ll find yourself walking around most of the day with very simplistic song lyrics in your head.

Speech Therapy
In most states, speech therapy for school aged children is offered free. Sometimes a team will evaluate your child, or sometimes it will just be one speech therapist. They will determine what areas your child needs the most help and a plan will be written up. The one-on-one therapy is effective and very helpful. Most also allow parents to observe therapy sessions. Being able to experience what they do with your child at school or during therapy can give you a great jumpstart on what you can also do at home to help.

Practice. Practice. Practice.
Persistence is key. You will experience setbacks and it will sometimes feel like nothing you are doing is working. Trust me, it is. Every time your child is exposed to sounds, speech, stories, music, one or all of the methods listed, they are slowly picking up on how it all works. We were told that Bella would most likely never vocalize at all since she wasn’t a regressive autistic. She didn’t learn words and then forget them, she just never spoke. Now, she’s vocalizing a lot more and even making forming sounds that resemble actual words. Although she may never fully learn to speak, a combination of different methods can only make it easier for her express herself.

There are a lot of things we take for granted in life. Being able to so easily communicate myself was one of them for me. Watching Bella when she gets frustrated trying to express her needs and wants can be heartbreaking. As much as I get frustrated trying to figure out what she wants, I can only imagine what it must be like for her.

I really hope that what we’ve experienced can help someone else that’s going through something similar. With that said, if anyone reading has advice to offer, please feel more than welcome to share.

It’s Not Bragging If You Can Do It

I have been waiting quite some time now to make a post like this.
Bella has made some amazing progress that I wanted to share.  

Bella has begun waving! Not only is she waving, but she can now say “hi” and “bye” while she waves. Why is this so amazing? Well, the fact that she is using gestures along with words means that she understand the context of her speech. Now, to clarify, her words aren’t perfectly spoken, in fact, they are far from it, BUT, you can understand and definitely tell what she is saying.

I don’t mean to offend, so I apologize ahead of time if it does, but the best way I can to describe the way she sounds is to compare it to someone who is deaf. We were told that there is a small chance that her speaking voice will improve, but although her words might get easier for us to understand, she may always have an impediment in her voice. We were also told that because we are around her more than anyone else, we might understand her better simply because we’re used to hearing her. Either way, we’ll take it.

Secondly, and even more amazing is the fact that Bella is COUNTING. Yes, I said counting. Now, it started a couple weeks ago while we were all watching “Mickey Mouse House”. It’s an episode about counting. Rayne would sing along and count out loud and eventually Bella would vocalize along. At first, her vocalizing didn’t sound like anything, but after a few days, and a lot of “Mickey Mouse”, Bella began to sound more and more like she was saying the numbers too. I sat her on my lap one day and started counting with my fingers. To my amazement, Bella did it to. She even tried to hold up her fingers as she counted along.

“On”. “Foo”. “Fee”. “Or”.

She was counting!

I’d tried to get her to do it in front of others, but she would just shy away. I think that sometimes they thought that I was just being one of those mothers full of wishful thinking. Then, a week ago, Cy heard it. Then last night, my mother and sister caught her counting onions. Yes... onions. All the kids who go to my mothers house have a ball playing in her cabinets in the kitchen. They take everything out, then put it back in. They pretend they are grocery shopping. They have a jam session on the pots and pans. Well, Bella got a hold of the bag of onions and took them out one at a time, counting them as she went. So, we have witnesses now!

She’s doing well in school too! She doesn’t cry as much when we drop her off, she’s doing much better on the bus ride home. She’s not avoiding the other kids as much, although she’s still not interacting with them. She’s feeling more comfortable with her teachers and speech therapist.

Cy and I couldn’t be more proud of her. Even Rayne seems overjoyed that her little sister is finally talking to her. She doesn’t seem to care that it’s a few simple numbers. Rayne will count to four with Bella fifty times in a row.

I can feel it in my heart already.
I know it’s coming.
It’s only a matter of time before I get to hear her say “Mommy”.
(“Daddy” will be a very close second)
And with enough time and patience, I know “I love you” is just around the corner.

Desperate For A Cure

When you’re a parent, it’s hardwired into your DNA to protect your kids. When you’re child has a disability, your first instinct is to try your best to “fix” them. Even when you don’t want to admit it, having a normal child is the ideal. No one wants their child to go through anything they don’t have too.

There are actually quite a few people out there who think that accepting your child’s autism and loving them for who they are is the equivalent of giving up. If you’re not trying to do any and everything to “fix” them, then you’re not doing your job as a parent. However, it’s my job, as a parent, to accept my child for who she is. To help her feel good about herself and to learn to differentiate between knowing the things I can help her with, and knowing what I can’t. Trying to erase all signs that my daughter is autistic is not only a pointless battle, it can be downright dangerous.

With Bella, Cy and I decided that working on her communication issues was the most important thing we can do to help her. Learning to talk to us, either by speech, sign language or text to talk computer software, would help her immensely. So, we got her into speech therapy and we do whatever we can at home. Trying to stop the stimming, the spinning and all the other awkward little things that come along with her having autism, are not harmful to her or anyone else, so it seemed pointless to try to stop her from doing it. Plus, in situations where she’s feeling overwhelmed, those things actually help her.

With each case of autism being so different, and there being so many side issues that come along with it, it seems crazy to think that there could be ONE sure fire way to “cure” it. With Bella, her side issues include sleep issues, stomach issues, hyperflexibility and a compromised immune system. Other children deal with things like headaches, muscle weakness or ear infections. How can there be a “one size fits all” solution to a multipart, highly variable question?

At first, I’m sure every parent goes through trying to figure out what they can do to “cure” their child of what ails them. We did. We tried diet change and vitamins, she had surgery on her ears, had tubes placed, had her adenoids removed and had her tonsils cauterized (hoping it would help her speech). She’d been treated for a sleeping issue and had a tube in her stomach to check for pediatric ulcers. Of course, this was just a little before we got her diagnoses, so we realize now that we were simply treating all the secondary issues.

We accepted early on that there was no cure.

There are a lot of parents out there who would wholeheartedly disagree with us. Depending on what they think caused the autism, determines what lengths they’ve gone to cure it. Those that think vaccinations caused their kids autism, even though it’s been proven incorrect, they will opt for Chelation Therapy. This is a technique where treatment removes heavy metals from the body. Unfortunately, if your child doesn’t have heavy metal poisoning, then Chelation can cause kidney failure and deterioration of vital organs.

Sometimes, believing in the cause doesn’t matter. A man who was NOT a doctor said that high levels of testosterone is what caused autism. So thousands of parents paid upwards to six thousand dollars for injections of a hormone suppressant called Lupron. A chemical used to treat men with prostate cancer. It’s also used to chemically castrate sex offenders. The man was arrested for practicing medicine without a license, and fraud, since there was no proof that his treatments worked or that testosterone levels caused autism, but that didn’t stop parents from continuing to use it. Multiple treatments per child at six grand a treatment. Insurance didn’t cover it, so they were paying out of pocket in cash. Lupron given to children who don’t have issues with testosterone can permanently damage a child’s hormones. It can also cause irregular heart rate, thoughts of suicide and pituitary apoplexy.

What I’ve learned, personally, is that everything my daughter does is for a reason. Autism makes a child unable to lie, to cheat, to steal. They don’t say things because they know it’s what you want to hear. They are a pure form of people. The way Bella works, every action has a purpose. We had to stop expecting typical interactions. We noticed that pretty much everything she did was an attempt to interact with us. We stopped trying to change her behavior and focused more on building a relationship with her. It takes patience, a lot of trail and error and letting her take the lead. Before any learning can begin on anyone’s part, you have to learn to relate to your child.

Still there are those out there that want every sign that their child has autism to be gone. They want normal children and are willing to do whatever they can to get it. Again, you can’t blame them at first, but when it gets to the point where they are putting their children at risk, it might be time for them to accept their children instead of trying so hard to change them.

With the cases of autism on the rise, so are the so-called “cures”. Doctors, pharmaceutical developers and your average Joe are all promising that they can “cure” your child. Some of them are willing to put children at risk simply to make a buck. Granted there are many ways to treat the side issues of autism, taking advantage of a desperate parent who wants nothing more than for their child to be normal, is deplorable. As for the parents, subjecting your kids to unproven, untested and FDA rejected “treatments” is just not worth it. Is inflicting that type of risk on your child really worth the dangers?

Hyperbaric Chambers, detox products, probiotics, organic diets, antifungals, emotional conditioning, behavior correction, saunas, mold reduction, chelation therapy, hypnosis, gastric treatment, electro shock therapy, nutritionists, allergy treatment, acupuncture, ionized water, vitamins, mineral addition, untested injections… the list goes on and on.

I’m not trying to sound self-righteous. I just can’t imagine putting 2 and 3 year olds through some of these types of “treatments” all in the name of being “normal”. We all want what is best for our kids, sometimes we all just have to love what we have instead of mourning what we don’t.

If you’d like to check out a great independent documentary about autism, please check out:
Loving Lampposts – a father’s view of his autistic son who loves to visit the lampposts in his local park. Great points of view, great interviews and overall a nicely narrated view of autism.

My Confessions #2

As always, I want to start this blog by saying that my words are not meant to offend or upset anyone… it’s just one of those times where I have to vent a little bit and this is the perfect outlet for it.

What I am about to talk about is regarding people who say these things to us out of spite. We’ve gotten these comments from people who are trying to help or offer advice, but we’ve also come up against a few people who are meanspirited and downright rude.

So, with that said, there are few things I feel the need to get off my chest. The main one being the fact that a few people keep telling us to get a second opinion. Getting right down to it, why would anyone think that wasn’t the first thing we did. At first, I could easily let it go, but now, I can feel my face getting annoyed when people say it. It mostly comes from people who have no idea about our situation and don’t know our daughter at all. We’ve had Bella evaluated four times. She saw quite a few doctors, specialist and therapists before we got her preliminary diagnoses. So we know what we’re doing. I don’t know if it’s the question, or that the question seems to imply that we aren’t doing what we can for our daughter. I know that sounds a little paranoid, but when people say that, it almost comes off as them implying that we just went with the first thing some random doctor told us. Sometimes it’s easier to just nod and smile and walk away than it is to tell them all that we’ve done in order to get to the point where we are now… and believe it or not, we’re not even that far. We still have to wait in line for the Kirch Center before we can get her final, official diagnoses and all the forms and paperwork we need to get her the additional help she needs. So, not that I have to defend us against strangers, I find myself doing it sometimes. We have been confronted by some people who truly are just mean. Trust me, we do everything we can for our daughter. The first thing we did was get a second opinion (and a third and a fourth). We may be going through most of this blind, since we don’t know everything that can happen, or how to handle everything that happens, but we’re on top of it. We’re doing everything we can for our daughter.

On the same note, people who try to tell us that it’s NOT autism… it’s (insert something else here). She’s just bashful, she’s just shy, she’s just got a bad temper. Maybe she has behavioral problems, maybe she’s just hard headed. All things we’ve been told, by people who clearly don’t know what they’re talking about, trying to tell us that four doctors and us, as her parents, are wrong. Again, I know that it sounds strange, but you can only hear the same things so many times before you start to wonder why people seem to think we don’t know what we’re doing. (I know that might not be what they think, but it’s how it feels sometimes.) These things come from people that have either never met us or our daughter, or people that we haven’t seen in a long time. Like I said, I know that SOME of them mean well, but again, it’s not like we just went with the first diagnoses we were given.

On a lesser note, and not something that I’m complaining about, but there are a lot of people who tell us how strong we are. Truth is, we’re not really. We’re just trying to do our best with what we’ve got. Sometimes, no matter how strong you try to be, things just get to you. You run into people that are going to give you issues no matter what is going on. You deal with people that seem to want to create drama and stress regardless of the situation. Those people are the type that you should just ignore and brush off. However, the things they say can still hurt.

Not to get into a lot of psycho-babble, but while speaking to a psychologist during Bella’s evaluations, she told us that we’d be faced with people, family or otherwise, that could possibly resent us for what is going on. Although she couldn’t explain why this type of thing happens, we’ve experienced it first hand. So have a lot of the parents I’ve spoken to. It’s amazing to think that the presence of a disabled child could illicit negative, adverse and even jealous reactions from people, even family.

We’re not perfect. There will always be people out there who think that we’re being too overprotective, that we’re not doing enough for her, that they know more than we do or that we don’t know what we’re doing. We’ve accepted that things like that may never change, but I guess we can always hope that it will get easier to ignore.

*Sigh*

I apologize if this came off as rude. Sometimes it helps to just vent a little. We’re trying our best and have enough stress going on already, we shouldn’t have to deal with other people purposely trying to create more of it, or random strangers telling us that we don’t know what we’re doing or that we should be doing something else.

We have a lot of people in our lives that WANT to be there, want to help us. They want to be a part of our lives. They support us and understand that this entire situation is a learning experience for us all. So, we try our best to focus on those people. To keep the positive in our lives and do our best to keep the negative from effecting us. Sometimes it gets hard, but that’s why I have this blog, right. So I can vent and get it out of my head and feel a little bit better.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Will Smith. I know, kind of random, but he said something that really hits home with me.

"If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success.”

(On a final note, I just want to say again; Thank You. Thank you for reading and being so supportive. I promise that these ranting blog post will only happen every now and then.)

A Quick Update

It’s only been a few weeks since Bella started school, but I thought it was worth an update. She’s doing well in school. She’s vocalizing a lot more, but she still isn’t saying any real words, BUT, she also seems to be using her hands more. Creating her own little signs for the things that she wants or needs during the day. I’m still trying to teach her actual sign language, but for now, we’ll take what we can get.

Her issues with socialization haven’t really improved too much. We were hoping that school would help, being around the other kids. She still seems to avoid the other kids and does her own thing when she’s there. The plus side, as I’m told, is at least she’s not mean to the other kids. She shows no hostility or anger. She’s not bullying or pushing anyone around… and no one is doing any of that to her either. So that’s good.

I’ve been told by her speech therapist that we should now get her evaluated again because she’s sure that she’ll qualify for occupational and physical therapy as well. We’d considered these before, but since she did well on her tests, we all thought that we’d just focus on speech. Unfortunately, now that she’s been seen for longer periods of time, it’s apparent that she’ll benefit from other therapies. So, that’s our next step.

The last few days, Bella has been quite sick. She’s on antibiotics right now, but she’s missed the last two days of school. We’re hoping that she’ll be in top form come Tuesday, so she can head back to class.

Don’t Take It Personally

We deal with rejection from our daughter on a daily basis. We've been told by her doctors and evaluators that we’re actually quite lucky. Most of the time, autistic children are emotionally cut off, resistant to hugs and kisses or being held. While Bella does resist most of the time, when her mood allows, she will come to us and give us a hug or a kiss. During the day, she’ll usually do her own thing, but she’ll come over to us every now and then as a way to “check in”. She’ll put her head on my lap, or squeeze her way into my arms.

We’ve tried to explain to others why she seems so distant sometimes and why she tends to avoid people. Even people that she knows, are around often and people that she’ll show affection to one day, will be confused and insulted the next day when she’ll refuse to give them a hug.

We want Bella to know that we love her and that if she’s ever having a bad day, she can come to us. Even if she can’t express herself vocally, there are certain signs we look for that let us know she’s in need of something. When most kids are comforted by a hug, Bella might instead be comforted by simply holding your hand, or spinning around with you. It’s almost like everyone close to Bella has their own “Secret Handshake”.

Her father for example, who will try to convince you that he’s too much of a tough guy to really care about all that mushy love stuff, has a huge soft spot for his babies. Like most fathers, he’s protective and expresses his affection a little differently than I do. He was really the first person to create this “secondary affection” with Bella. It started out where he would just take her hand and spin her around a couple times, then scoop her up in his arms. She loved it. Over the months, it’s become something that they do together that Bella seems to recognize as “Daddy’s way of saying I love you”.

I have my own “Secret Handshake” with her. Totally different from what Cy does with her, but when it all boils down, means pretty much the same thing.

My mother, who’s sees Bella almost every day, started out trying to call her over for hugs when she arrived. That’s what Rayne did when she came over. She’d run over and give her a hug. Bella wouldn’t. It took some time to explain why Bella doesn’t show affection the same way the other kids do, but now, even my mom has her own little “thing” with Bella.

We don’t want people to take her standoffishness personally. Although, it’s instinct really to do so. For family and close friends, we really want them to understand the way Bella’s mind works. However, there is always an exception. Strangers. When we’re out in pubic, it happens a lot. A stranger will come up to us, comment on how cute our kids are. It happens to a lot of parents. They’ll turn to your kid and try to talk to them. Most kids, autistic or not, will sometimes shy away. We’ve dealt with strangers who actually get very offended when Bella ignores them, or turns away, there have been a few times when she’s cried. What do these people really expect? You’re a stranger, getting up close and maybe a little to personal with a child that doesn’t know you. There really is no reason to explain to them why my child is ignoring them. While most of the time it’s totally harmless, there are times when strangers take a few too many liberties. They’ll reach for her face and try to do that “Old Crazy Aunt” cheek squeeze, or they’ll try to tickle her. While my own personally opinion is that you really shouldn’t touch someone else’s kids, they can’t really be offended when a child doesn’t really take to them with smiles and giggles. Most kids, don’t like strangers.

We’ve been told there are very few things we can do to change this behavior. At the same time, now that we’ve all kind of created our own ways of expressing love and affection with Bella, it’s not that big of a deal anymore. As her mother, it still gives me that little twinge of pain in my heart every time I try to hug her and she pushes me away, or when I just want to hold her, but she resists. As much as I want others to understand and not be insulted, I’m still trying to accept it too. I don’t know if it’s something a parent can ever really get used to.

I just have to keep telling myself “not to take it personally”.

It’s really all I can do.
For now.

How I Overcame the Blame Game

It’s not uncommon for a parent to blame themselves for something that their child is going through. When their child is in pain and there’s nothing you can do, you feel guilty. When you’re child does something wrong, you might blame yourself and ask yourself what you could have done.

Well, my child has autism. I went through a couple of hard weeks at first where I blamed myself. All of the reading I’d done said that there was no determined cause. Her doctors, my husband… they all told me that it wasn’t my fault. As her mother, I guess I just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was.

I started my blog as a way to get my feelings out, share some stories, maybe help others and get some help in return. Everyone has been so supportive and wonderful that I didn’t regret starting it, even when I got my very first piece of hate mail. That one piece of hate mail, was rude and awful, but it also gave me a new perspective on things. The email I got said that Bella’s autism was my fault. As her mother, I was to blame. This particular email said that it was because I pumped my baby full of poison. Now, I’d spent weeks trying to figure out what it was that I’d done. Being told by a complete strangers that vaccinating my child caused it and it was my fault, just pissed me off. I knew 100% that the reason they gave was definitely not what caused Bella to have autism. So I thought about it a little more. I slowly began to realize that it really wasn’t my fault. I hadn’t done anything wrong.

It’s hard enough for a parent who’s just found out their child is autistic. Having people blame you for it, behind the veil of anonymity does nothing but make you feel worse. It’s pretty easy to tell a parent that they’ve failed their child when you’re hiding behind a computer. I can pretty much guarantee that these people wouldn’t have the stones to look anyone in the eye and say the things they say.

I’d realized that I was wasting time blaming myself and it was time to start figuring out what we needed to do for our daughter. I started doing more research and became a part of an online community for parents of autistic children. The day that I got the email, I went to my online group to vent a little. I found out that I wasn’t the only one who’d been sent a similar email.

There’s a person, or a group of people who troll the internet searching for blogs or message boards or groups for parents of autistic kids. They find email addresses, which are usually attached to blogs and profiles for message boards. They then send the parents propaganda regarding vaccinations. We can only assume that this person, or people are part of the anti-vaccine movement.

Without getting into any detail about it all, since I’ve already talked about it before, Andrew Wakefield started a horrible trend when he released his made up, phony “evidence” linking vaccines and autism. Now, even though it was proven fake, there are those who wholeheartedly believe that it’s true. They have the right to voice their opinions and try to have their voices heard, but why they spend their time targeting parents of autistic children is beyond me.

I can’t help but wonder if they are just mean people or if they really think that they are doing good. Again, in our case, Bella never received the MMR vaccine, so vaccines have no relevance to us. Along with quite a few other parents I’ve spoken too.

It’s hard to explain, but when you have people blaming you for things you know aren’t your fault, in this case, vaccinating our kids. It makes you reevaluate the way you talk to yourself.

If you wouldn’t stand someone else blaming you, then you know better than to blame yourself.

Sometimes, when you’re left with a question with no answer, it’s hard to accept. Telling yourself that it must have been something you did isn’t correct, but it is an answer. Sometimes, having the wrong answer is better than having none at all.

It’s much easier said than done, to stop blaming yourself. The sooner you do, the sooner you can do what you need to do for your child. Get them evaluated, get them into school, classes and therapy. Do everything you can to give your child what they need to improve.

There are always going to be people out there who are so wrapped up in what they think is right that they don’t care who they hurt when they say what they say. As a parent to three wonderful kids, regardless of the autism, you just have to know when to ignore the things people say about you. Trust me, the word of someone random person over the internet is worth nothing. Do what you need to do for yourself and for your child. Stop blaming yourself for something you can’t control.

Sarcastically Awesome Adventures in Potty Training

There are a lot of things that we’re facing right now that never occurred to us until just recently. One of those things I just wrote about. Our issues with the school bus. There are things that we worry about for the future, that we can conveniently put off for now. Things like, puberty and how she’ll handle attention from boys. What are we going to do when she turns 16 and wants a license… can she even have a license? I know that my daughter will do wonderful things with her life, I just don’t know what they’ll be.

Right now, however, there are more pressing issues. Like, how the hell are we going to potty train her. Seriously, we didn’t even think about this until a couple of weeks ago.

Sitting in the safe room, just hanging out. I go to the diaper cart to grab the baby a diaper. In the two and a half minutes I was gone, Bella managed to undress, remove her diaper and create a pee puddle on the carpet. I put a new diaper on, redressed her and then I “Resolved” the carpet. About two hours later, I found myself scrubbing the carpet again.

Then it dawned on me. How am I going to potty train this kid?

A few days after the carpet scrubbing incident, I attempted to put her on the potty. The little kid potty didn’t work out since all she wanted to do was take it apart (no worries, it was brand new and had never been used). She REFUSED to sit on it, even in her diaper. So, we thought, “hey, maybe she’ll just skip the little potty and use the big one.” Well, the second I put her on it, she flipped out. She didn’t like the cold of the seat or the fact that her feet were off the floor. I stopped, waited for her to calm down and decided to show her what it was all about. When I flushed the toilet, she had a Class 5 Meltdown. I felt horrible, but I didn’t know.

I probably should have.

The sound was way too overwhelming.

She has been terrified of the bathroom since. We have to give her baths in the other bathroom, she makes sure the door is closed at all times. She avoids walking past that doorway…

I’m pretty sure that I have traumatized her.

I tried to do some research on this, but I couldn’t find a lot of info. I spoke to some parents on the message boards and chat rooms I frequent, but they either didn’t want to talk about potty issues or they didn’t have a hard time when it came to potty training their kids. Good for them, and I mean that honestly. All the info I did find, said “steady routine, repeat often”. Meaning, make a potty routine, repeat the steps often and ask them constantly if they have to go potty. Bella’s specific issues make it hard. She is unable to follow specific directions or comprehend instruction.

Bella is showing all the typical signs of a toddler that’s ready to potty train. She has all the cues we, as parents, are told to look for. She’s at the right age to start training and she obviously hates being wet. Most of the time, she removes her diaper BEFORE she actually goes potty. Lucky for me and my bottle of carpet cleaner.

It makes me wonder if this is something that will get easier, something that she’ll “teach” herself. Or something that I have totally derailed by scaring her with the toilet.

How do you teach a non-verbal autistic child to use the potty, when they don’t comprehend what any of it means. When the sound of the toilet scares them.

There are a lot of things we are learning as we go. This is definitely one of them. We’re open to any and all suggestions and advice. After all, this is what I started this blog for.

Anyone?

Conquering the Big Bad Bus

So, I decided to try a little blogger experiment and start a blog, jot out my feeling about the situation… then wait to see how it all goes so I can write about what really happened.

We’ve tried twice now, unsuccessfully, to get Bella to ride the bus to school. She seems to enjoy school once she gets past the first initial part of it all. We don’t want her to be afraid of it or to associate something terrifying with going to school, so we’ve been hesitant to FORCE her to ride the bus to school.

On her second day of school, we barely made it past the sidewalk before she began getting fidgety and anxious. By the time we got to the steps of the bus, she was in full blown hysterics. We took her back in the house, gave her a few minutes to call down and then drove her to school. That day, Cy was off work, so he went to pick her up when she got out.

When Bella reacts a certain way to a situation, we try to see things from her point of view. Her sensory issues play a huge part in the things that bother her the most. When we look at the bus, we see a bus. What she sees can be something much worse. The noises that a bus makes alone can be enough to scare her. The loud rumbling, the screaming sound the breaks make when it stops. Then you have the stranger driving the bus, all the loud kids and the fairly loud children’s music playing from the overhead speakers. Over head speakers and PA systems have always been a little hard for her to handle.

Today we made it to the bus, and Cy carried her on. We tried, in vain, to strap her into the five point harness on the car seat like bus seats. She fought us. She was crying and having what we’ve seen as a typical meltdown. She seems a little more fearful with this though. We decided to stop, and Cy carried her back in the house. She wouldn’t let him put her down for nearly 20 minutes and it took us even longer to get her to calm down.

People keep telling us that we have to MAKE her ride the bus eventually. She’s going to HAVE to do it sometime. I just can’t figure out if that’s true or not. I mean, does she REALLY have to ride the bus. Is this something we had to do to make her see that it’s okay, or is it really worth all the stress and anxiety it puts on her, when we can just as easily drive her to school?

The only issue that we really face is that we aren’t always able to pick her up from school. Her teachers and the aides would have to put her on the bus home. So that raises another question.

Am I making excuses for her in the morning because I am the one who has to put her on the bus. I’ve thought about this all day. Does it bother me more because I am the one forcing her to ride the bus, watching my little girl cry and fight to get away? I know that whoever has to put her on the bus home will be doing the same thing, but they don’t have that emotional attachment to Bella that her father and I have. So it’s easier for them to strap her in and walk away, tears or not. So, maybe it is just that Cy and I are the ones that can’t deal with all of this. No parent likes to see their child cry or be upset. Our natural instinct is to HELP THEM. To make their tears stop.

I can tell that Bella really does dislike the bus. I think it’s mostly the rumbling noise it makes when it’s idling. I also know that eventually she WILL have to get used to riding the bus. We can’t drive her to school forever.

As you can see, I am rambling in my efforts to explain myself.

What can I say, I’m a mother who just wants my kid to be happy. I know that the only way she’s going to get over a lot of the things she resists is to try to get her more used to it all. At the same time, I worry that I’m making her fears worse.

These are some of the issues I didn’t think about, or didn’t think I needed to worry about before. Bella doesn’t react or process things the same way as others do. I may never really know HOW she feels about what is going on.

What else can I do.

Well, I can wait to see how she handles the bus home.

(So I did. I waited until she came home before I finished this post)

The bus arrived home at 11:45 am. She had clearly been crying, but she had a smile on her face when she saw me. I got her off the bus, and she went about her merry way. Not a second thought.

So, that solves it. Cy and I have to get over OUR issues with Bella and let her ride the bus to school. I mean, she might cry, and fuss over it at first, but she does seem to get over it quickly. The teacher sends home a little note each day to let me know what Bella did that day and how she handled things emotionally. The notes say that she’s enjoying herself and having a good time. No meltdowns or crying at school.

I know that there is a part of Bella that struggles with what is going on, but she seems to be handling things better than we are. So, the moral of this story is, maybe we should give her a little more credit. She’s doing great and maybe we are being a little protective of her.

So, lesson learned. I can admit that maybe we need to adjust better just as much as Bella does. Tuesday is her next day of school. We’re going to try it again.

Why Can't I Be Her Caretaker?

I’ve seen terms like “helicopter parent” and “lawnmower mothers” tossed around on the internet for years. It’s a term used to describe the parents of children who hover over their kids trying everything in their power to keep their kids from doing… pretty much anything. These types of parents try to shield their child from any and everything that could possibly hurt them. From the big to the small.

I’m not one of those parents, but I would be what some call, overprotective. I can’t help it. I had anxiety issues before the kids came along. It doesn’t help that Cy is pretty much the same way. We’re not the type to try to bubble wrap our kids. We know they’ll get bumped heads and skinned knees. We know that every now and then, they’ll jump off the bed or fall down and cry.

After we found out about Bella, we did everything we could to make sure that she would get all the help she needed inside and outside of our home. She needs constant supervision, so Cy and I decided that I would stay home with our kids. I got certified in CPR and first aide. I registered for every service and educational program that we could and we’ve both read every book and website we could find.

The next logical step for us was  for me to get certified to be Bella’s legal caretaker. As her official legal CERTIFIED caretaker, it would give me access to get her help that we’d otherwise not be allowed to get.

I’ve filed all the proper paperwork, sent all the signatures to all the right officials, and waited. It took four months, and I got a response two weeks ago.

I’ve been told by the State of New York that because I am Bella’s mother, it’s already my job to take care of her. That it’s my choice to be a stay at home mother. From what I gathered, it said that if I were a daughter trying to take care of my elderly mother, or another family member with a disability, it would be fine. Since I’m a mother, trying to get certified to care for my disabled daughter, it’s already my job.

I found out that I CAN eventually be certified, but there are lots of hoops to jump. Evil Kinevil type hoops.

I have to file out all the regular paperwork that goes with become the caretaker of a family member, but with that, I also have FORTY SEVEN other pieces of documentation that I must fill out. I also need three family references, a reference from at least two non-family members and a doctor saying that I am fit to take care of a minor.

My response to that was, I am fit to take care of a minor as her mother, but I need to prove that I am fit to take care of a minor as a caretaker. It makes very little sense to me.

I know that some are probably wondering why this is important to us. Well, with me being seen as her certified care giver, I will be more involved in her care. She will be eligible for further services and maybe even get help with all her unexpected costs. This will also make it easier for me to get sensory therapy equipment to use at home. To have these types of things at home for her to use would be more than worth the hassle of going through all of this to get the title. She is currently only going to school for two days a week, to have access to the things she does at school, while at home, all week, would more than benefit her.

Currently, I am being told by a few places that I’ve called, that the only thing I can do, since Bella needs constant care and supervision is to hire someone who lives outside of our home to care for Bella, file the proper paperwork, and use the funds to pay the person who cares for her. Or, I can take care of her, and whenever I need a break, I can apply for funds to pay a respite care worker to come in and “give us a break”.

I take care of my daughter because I am her mother. As a mother, I care for all of my children. I want to do everything that I can for them. As a certified caregiver, I can do for Bella, things that I, as her mother, wouldn’t have access too. So, I guess it’s time to put on my fireproof superwoman uniform and start jumping through all those flaming NYS hoops.

Wish me luck.