When you’re a parent, it’s hardwired into your DNA to protect your kids. When you’re child has a disability, your first instinct is to try your best to “fix” them. Even when you don’t want to admit it, having a normal child is the ideal. No one wants their child to go through anything they don’t have too.
There are actually quite a few people out there who think that accepting your child’s autism and loving them for who they are is the equivalent of giving up. If you’re not trying to do any and everything to “fix” them, then you’re not doing your job as a parent. However, it’s my job, as a parent, to accept my child for who she is. To help her feel good about herself and to learn to differentiate between knowing the things I can help her with, and knowing what I can’t. Trying to erase all signs that my daughter is autistic is not only a pointless battle, it can be downright dangerous.
With Bella, Cy and I decided that working on her communication issues was the most important thing we can do to help her. Learning to talk to us, either by speech, sign language or text to talk computer software, would help her immensely. So, we got her into speech therapy and we do whatever we can at home. Trying to stop the stimming, the spinning and all the other awkward little things that come along with her having autism, are not harmful to her or anyone else, so it seemed pointless to try to stop her from doing it. Plus, in situations where she’s feeling overwhelmed, those things actually help her.
With each case of autism being so different, and there being so many side issues that come along with it, it seems crazy to think that there could be ONE sure fire way to “cure” it. With Bella, her side issues include sleep issues, stomach issues, hyperflexibility and a compromised immune system. Other children deal with things like headaches, muscle weakness or ear infections. How can there be a “one size fits all” solution to a multipart, highly variable question?
At first, I’m sure every parent goes through trying to figure out what they can do to “cure” their child of what ails them. We did. We tried diet change and vitamins, she had surgery on her ears, had tubes placed, had her adenoids removed and had her tonsils cauterized (hoping it would help her speech). She’d been treated for a sleeping issue and had a tube in her stomach to check for pediatric ulcers. Of course, this was just a little before we got her diagnoses, so we realize now that we were simply treating all the secondary issues.
We accepted early on that there was no cure.
There are a lot of parents out there who would wholeheartedly disagree with us. Depending on what they think caused the autism, determines what lengths they’ve gone to cure it. Those that think vaccinations caused their kids autism, even though it’s been proven incorrect, they will opt for Chelation Therapy. This is a technique where treatment removes heavy metals from the body. Unfortunately, if your child doesn’t have heavy metal poisoning, then Chelation can cause kidney failure and deterioration of vital organs.
Sometimes, believing in the cause doesn’t matter. A man who was NOT a doctor said that high levels of testosterone is what caused autism. So thousands of parents paid upwards to six thousand dollars for injections of a hormone suppressant called Lupron. A chemical used to treat men with prostate cancer. It’s also used to chemically castrate sex offenders. The man was arrested for practicing medicine without a license, and fraud, since there was no proof that his treatments worked or that testosterone levels caused autism, but that didn’t stop parents from continuing to use it. Multiple treatments per child at six grand a treatment. Insurance didn’t cover it, so they were paying out of pocket in cash. Lupron given to children who don’t have issues with testosterone can permanently damage a child’s hormones. It can also cause irregular heart rate, thoughts of suicide and pituitary apoplexy.
What I’ve learned, personally, is that everything my daughter does is for a reason. Autism makes a child unable to lie, to cheat, to steal. They don’t say things because they know it’s what you want to hear. They are a pure form of people. The way Bella works, every action has a purpose. We had to stop expecting typical interactions. We noticed that pretty much everything she did was an attempt to interact with us. We stopped trying to change her behavior and focused more on building a relationship with her. It takes patience, a lot of trail and error and letting her take the lead. Before any learning can begin on anyone’s part, you have to learn to relate to your child.
Still there are those out there that want every sign that their child has autism to be gone. They want normal children and are willing to do whatever they can to get it. Again, you can’t blame them at first, but when it gets to the point where they are putting their children at risk, it might be time for them to accept their children instead of trying so hard to change them.
With the cases of autism on the rise, so are the so-called “cures”. Doctors, pharmaceutical developers and your average Joe are all promising that they can “cure” your child. Some of them are willing to put children at risk simply to make a buck. Granted there are many ways to treat the side issues of autism, taking advantage of a desperate parent who wants nothing more than for their child to be normal, is deplorable. As for the parents, subjecting your kids to unproven, untested and FDA rejected “treatments” is just not worth it. Is inflicting that type of risk on your child really worth the dangers?
Hyperbaric Chambers, detox products, probiotics, organic diets, antifungals, emotional conditioning, behavior correction, saunas, mold reduction, chelation therapy, hypnosis, gastric treatment, electro shock therapy, nutritionists, allergy treatment, acupuncture, ionized water, vitamins, mineral addition, untested injections… the list goes on and on.
I’m not trying to sound self-righteous. I just can’t imagine putting 2 and 3 year olds through some of these types of “treatments” all in the name of being “normal”. We all want what is best for our kids, sometimes we all just have to love what we have instead of mourning what we don’t.
If you’d like to check out a great independent documentary about autism, please check out:
Loving Lampposts – a father’s view of his autistic son who loves to visit the lampposts in his local park. Great points of view, great interviews and overall a nicely narrated view of autism.
