So, I decided to try a little blogger experiment and start a blog, jot out my feeling about the situation… then wait to see how it all goes so I can write about what really happened.
We’ve tried twice now, unsuccessfully, to get Bella to ride the bus to school. She seems to enjoy school once she gets past the first initial part of it all. We don’t want her to be afraid of it or to associate something terrifying with going to school, so we’ve been hesitant to FORCE her to ride the bus to school.
On her second day of school, we barely made it past the sidewalk before she began getting fidgety and anxious. By the time we got to the steps of the bus, she was in full blown hysterics. We took her back in the house, gave her a few minutes to call down and then drove her to school. That day, Cy was off work, so he went to pick her up when she got out.
When Bella reacts a certain way to a situation, we try to see things from her point of view. Her sensory issues play a huge part in the things that bother her the most. When we look at the bus, we see a bus. What she sees can be something much worse. The noises that a bus makes alone can be enough to scare her. The loud rumbling, the screaming sound the breaks make when it stops. Then you have the stranger driving the bus, all the loud kids and the fairly loud children’s music playing from the overhead speakers. Over head speakers and PA systems have always been a little hard for her to handle.
Today we made it to the bus, and Cy carried her on. We tried, in vain, to strap her into the five point harness on the car seat like bus seats. She fought us. She was crying and having what we’ve seen as a typical meltdown. She seems a little more fearful with this though. We decided to stop, and Cy carried her back in the house. She wouldn’t let him put her down for nearly 20 minutes and it took us even longer to get her to calm down.
People keep telling us that we have to MAKE her ride the bus eventually. She’s going to HAVE to do it sometime. I just can’t figure out if that’s true or not. I mean, does she REALLY have to ride the bus. Is this something we had to do to make her see that it’s okay, or is it really worth all the stress and anxiety it puts on her, when we can just as easily drive her to school?
The only issue that we really face is that we aren’t always able to pick her up from school. Her teachers and the aides would have to put her on the bus home. So that raises another question.
Am I making excuses for her in the morning because I am the one who has to put her on the bus. I’ve thought about this all day. Does it bother me more because I am the one forcing her to ride the bus, watching my little girl cry and fight to get away? I know that whoever has to put her on the bus home will be doing the same thing, but they don’t have that emotional attachment to Bella that her father and I have. So it’s easier for them to strap her in and walk away, tears or not. So, maybe it is just that Cy and I are the ones that can’t deal with all of this. No parent likes to see their child cry or be upset. Our natural instinct is to HELP THEM. To make their tears stop.
I can tell that Bella really does dislike the bus. I think it’s mostly the rumbling noise it makes when it’s idling. I also know that eventually she WILL have to get used to riding the bus. We can’t drive her to school forever.
As you can see, I am rambling in my efforts to explain myself.
What can I say, I’m a mother who just wants my kid to be happy. I know that the only way she’s going to get over a lot of the things she resists is to try to get her more used to it all. At the same time, I worry that I’m making her fears worse.
These are some of the issues I didn’t think about, or didn’t think I needed to worry about before. Bella doesn’t react or process things the same way as others do. I may never really know HOW she feels about what is going on.
What else can I do.
Well, I can wait to see how she handles the bus home.
(So I did. I waited until she came home before I finished this post)
The bus arrived home at 11:45 am. She had clearly been crying, but she had a smile on her face when she saw me. I got her off the bus, and she went about her merry way. Not a second thought.
So, that solves it. Cy and I have to get over OUR issues with Bella and let her ride the bus to school. I mean, she might cry, and fuss over it at first, but she does seem to get over it quickly. The teacher sends home a little note each day to let me know what Bella did that day and how she handled things emotionally. The notes say that she’s enjoying herself and having a good time. No meltdowns or crying at school.
I know that there is a part of Bella that struggles with what is going on, but she seems to be handling things better than we are. So, the moral of this story is, maybe we should give her a little more credit. She’s doing great and maybe we are being a little protective of her.
So, lesson learned. I can admit that maybe we need to adjust better just as much as Bella does. Tuesday is her next day of school. We’re going to try it again.
