It’s not uncommon for a parent to blame themselves for something that their child is going through. When their child is in pain and there’s nothing you can do, you feel guilty. When you’re child does something wrong, you might blame yourself and ask yourself what you could have done.
Well, my child has autism. I went through a couple of hard weeks at first where I blamed myself. All of the reading I’d done said that there was no determined cause. Her doctors, my husband… they all told me that it wasn’t my fault. As her mother, I guess I just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was.
I started my blog as a way to get my feelings out, share some stories, maybe help others and get some help in return. Everyone has been so supportive and wonderful that I didn’t regret starting it, even when I got my very first piece of hate mail. That one piece of hate mail, was rude and awful, but it also gave me a new perspective on things. The email I got said that Bella’s autism was my fault. As her mother, I was to blame. This particular email said that it was because I pumped my baby full of poison. Now, I’d spent weeks trying to figure out what it was that I’d done. Being told by a complete strangers that vaccinating my child caused it and it was my fault, just pissed me off. I knew 100% that the reason they gave was definitely not what caused Bella to have autism. So I thought about it a little more. I slowly began to realize that it really wasn’t my fault. I hadn’t done anything wrong.
It’s hard enough for a parent who’s just found out their child is autistic. Having people blame you for it, behind the veil of anonymity does nothing but make you feel worse. It’s pretty easy to tell a parent that they’ve failed their child when you’re hiding behind a computer. I can pretty much guarantee that these people wouldn’t have the stones to look anyone in the eye and say the things they say.
I’d realized that I was wasting time blaming myself and it was time to start figuring out what we needed to do for our daughter. I started doing more research and became a part of an online community for parents of autistic children. The day that I got the email, I went to my online group to vent a little. I found out that I wasn’t the only one who’d been sent a similar email.
There’s a person, or a group of people who troll the internet searching for blogs or message boards or groups for parents of autistic kids. They find email addresses, which are usually attached to blogs and profiles for message boards. They then send the parents propaganda regarding vaccinations. We can only assume that this person, or people are part of the anti-vaccine movement.
Without getting into any detail about it all, since I’ve already talked about it before, Andrew Wakefield started a horrible trend when he released his made up, phony “evidence” linking vaccines and autism. Now, even though it was proven fake, there are those who wholeheartedly believe that it’s true. They have the right to voice their opinions and try to have their voices heard, but why they spend their time targeting parents of autistic children is beyond me.
I can’t help but wonder if they are just mean people or if they really think that they are doing good. Again, in our case, Bella never received the MMR vaccine, so vaccines have no relevance to us. Along with quite a few other parents I’ve spoken too.
It’s hard to explain, but when you have people blaming you for things you know aren’t your fault, in this case, vaccinating our kids. It makes you reevaluate the way you talk to yourself.
If you wouldn’t stand someone else blaming you, then you know better than to blame yourself.
Sometimes, when you’re left with a question with no answer, it’s hard to accept. Telling yourself that it must have been something you did isn’t correct, but it is an answer. Sometimes, having the wrong answer is better than having none at all.
It’s much easier said than done, to stop blaming yourself. The sooner you do, the sooner you can do what you need to do for your child. Get them evaluated, get them into school, classes and therapy. Do everything you can to give your child what they need to improve.
There are always going to be people out there who are so wrapped up in what they think is right that they don’t care who they hurt when they say what they say. As a parent to three wonderful kids, regardless of the autism, you just have to know when to ignore the things people say about you. Trust me, the word of someone random person over the internet is worth nothing. Do what you need to do for yourself and for your child. Stop blaming yourself for something you can’t control.
