I’ve seen terms like “helicopter parent” and “lawnmower mothers” tossed around on the internet for years. It’s a term used to describe the parents of children who hover over their kids trying everything in their power to keep their kids from doing… pretty much anything. These types of parents try to shield their child from any and everything that could possibly hurt them. From the big to the small.
I’m not one of those parents, but I would be what some call, overprotective. I can’t help it. I had anxiety issues before the kids came along. It doesn’t help that Cy is pretty much the same way. We’re not the type to try to bubble wrap our kids. We know they’ll get bumped heads and skinned knees. We know that every now and then, they’ll jump off the bed or fall down and cry.
After we found out about Bella, we did everything we could to make sure that she would get all the help she needed inside and outside of our home. She needs constant supervision, so Cy and I decided that I would stay home with our kids. I got certified in CPR and first aide. I registered for every service and educational program that we could and we’ve both read every book and website we could find.
The next logical step for us was for me to get certified to be Bella’s legal caretaker. As her official legal CERTIFIED caretaker, it would give me access to get her help that we’d otherwise not be allowed to get.
I’ve filed all the proper paperwork, sent all the signatures to all the right officials, and waited. It took four months, and I got a response two weeks ago.
I’ve been told by the State of New York that because I am Bella’s mother, it’s already my job to take care of her. That it’s my choice to be a stay at home mother. From what I gathered, it said that if I were a daughter trying to take care of my elderly mother, or another family member with a disability, it would be fine. Since I’m a mother, trying to get certified to care for my disabled daughter, it’s already my job.
I found out that I CAN eventually be certified, but there are lots of hoops to jump. Evil Kinevil type hoops.
I have to file out all the regular paperwork that goes with become the caretaker of a family member, but with that, I also have FORTY SEVEN other pieces of documentation that I must fill out. I also need three family references, a reference from at least two non-family members and a doctor saying that I am fit to take care of a minor.
My response to that was, I am fit to take care of a minor as her mother, but I need to prove that I am fit to take care of a minor as a caretaker. It makes very little sense to me.
I know that some are probably wondering why this is important to us. Well, with me being seen as her certified care giver, I will be more involved in her care. She will be eligible for further services and maybe even get help with all her unexpected costs. This will also make it easier for me to get sensory therapy equipment to use at home. To have these types of things at home for her to use would be more than worth the hassle of going through all of this to get the title. She is currently only going to school for two days a week, to have access to the things she does at school, while at home, all week, would more than benefit her.
Currently, I am being told by a few places that I’ve called, that the only thing I can do, since Bella needs constant care and supervision is to hire someone who lives outside of our home to care for Bella, file the proper paperwork, and use the funds to pay the person who cares for her. Or, I can take care of her, and whenever I need a break, I can apply for funds to pay a respite care worker to come in and “give us a break”.
I take care of my daughter because I am her mother. As a mother, I care for all of my children. I want to do everything that I can for them. As a certified caregiver, I can do for Bella, things that I, as her mother, wouldn’t have access too. So, I guess it’s time to put on my fireproof superwoman uniform and start jumping through all those flaming NYS hoops.
Wish me luck.
