- Patience really is a virtue. To say that you need patience is a bit of an understatement. There are days when I repeat the same words over and over so many times that I lose count. I will stand at the bottom of my stairs waiting because the excitement in Bella’s eyes as she walks down the stairs BY HERSELF is something worth witnessing. Even if it does take twenty minutes. I will spend two hours changing her clothes until we find something that she’s comfortable in. Why? Because I’m her mother and that’s what I have to do.
- Witty comebacks. When there are rude people asking me questions, it helps to have a little wit on your side. You can only be asked so many times by rude, snarky people “why doesn't your daughter talk yet?” until you have to come back with “maybe she just doesn't want to talk to you, the stranger, in her face.”
- I get to be like those rogue cops in the movies that go off and do their own thing. You know, the ones that have that situation come up and their boss says “leave it alone, you’re off the case!”, but you just know you can handle the problem if you do it your own way. Well, that’s me. I don’t go by the book.. Mostly because I can’t. But more or less just because I don’t want to.
- My heart explodes everyday. Not literally of course, but figuratively, my heart swells every time my daughter does something that she couldn't do the day before. Little victories are their own celebration. The first time she came over and placed her sippy cup in my hand, instead of crying until I guessed what she wanted… I think I hugged her for ten minutes, celebrating, before I remembered to actually give her some juice.
- Thick skin. Growing a thick skin is par for the course. It’s something that you need to have in order to get through most of what is thrown at you. You have to learn not to worry too much about the petty stuff. You have to let certain things bounce off you. You have to try your best to ignore the rude comments you can get. When someone calls my child a brat because they witness her having a little meltdown, or when someone feels the need to tell me that, after seven months, I should get a second opinion, like it wasn't the first thing we did, I want to yell. I want to scream at them sometimes. I don’t though. Why? It will do nothing but put ME in a bad mood. Yelling at every person who says something that I don’t like is a waste of my time and energy. Not to mention it will make me look like a crazy person biting the heads off every person who rubs me the wrong way, whether intentionally or by accident. (See two dots down)
- Embracing my dry sense of humor. Never in my life have I enjoyed my own sense of humor more than I have in the last few months. There are just certain times when making a joke is easier than doing what you really want to do. Be that scream, or cry or just give up. Sometimes the jokes I make aren't for everyone. After redressing my child for the tenth time, cracking a joke that she may have a future in stripping probably isn't the most motherly thing to say. But hey, it beats getting frustrated.
- We've learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. There is a quote from a movie that Cy and I both like called “Our Idiot Brother”. Paul Rudd’s character, Ned, says “"I like to think that if you put your trust out there, I mean if you really give people the benefit of the doubt and see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion." That pretty much sums up what we do now. Only after people show us that they are purposely being negative or rude, do we react the way any parent would react when someone is being a jerk to their child.
- Have more fun. We've learned how to find fun in almost everything. Building a fort in our living room with the couches and blankets can be tons more fun than going out on our own. We also know that being really tired the next day is more than worth staying up late together and watching a movie in our room while the kids are sleeping. Bella can be a handful for people who aren't used to her. So far, the only person who’s been able to handle her as well as we can is my mother. When she watches the kids for us, half the time, Cy and I end up doing crazy things like… sleeping. I know, LAME, right.
- Swallowing your pride. As a mother, you want to do it all. You want people to think that you can handle everything that comes your way. One thing I've learned over the last seven months is that I am not Superwoman. As much of a blow to my already semi-deflated ego it was, I realized that sometimes, I just have to ask for help. Cy and I have an amazing support system in place. I can’t express how much we appreciate them.
- Being mushy. Clearing having a child with autism also teaches you how to be super mushy while you write a blog, on the verge of tears because you have so many awesome wonderful friends and family in your life. It really makes you cherish what you have.
- I think about myself more. Really. You know that saying "If Mom's having a bad day, everyone is having a bad day"? Well, it holds truth. I know that in order to properly care for ALL my kids, I have to be the healthiest, calmest, least cranky mom I can be. I find myself taking a few extra minutes during the day, just for me. Listening to a song, or even painting my nails. Anything really. I also find myself choosing a salad over a cheeseburger and trying really hard to curb my addiction to Coke....THE SODA. I need to be in top form in order to do what I have to do. I know it shouldn't have taken my daughter for me to realize that, but I guess all that matters is that I'm trying.
So, to conclude. Patience, love, rogue cops, having fun, thick skin, salad, wittiness, support. All things I either learned or improved on thanks to my amazing little girl. And she’s done all this without even saying a word. Kind of impressive if you ask me.
