It’s a question I used to brush off either because I was in denial or maybe I just didn't want to believe that there could be anything wrong with my son. When you have a new baby, you sit and stare at their smooshy little face knowing they have the rest of their lives before them. No one wants to think that their innocent little newborn could be autistic.
People ask us all the time.
“Are you worried about your son?”
Most of the time it’s asked out of genuine concern by people we know. Sometimes, however, it’s bluntly stated by those who just can’t believe we’d have another child after finding out that Bella has autism. Even though we found out about Bella while we were already pregnant with our son, it wouldn’t have changed our minds about having another baby. This was something that Cy and I had talked about when it came to deciding what we wanted our family to be. We’d always wanted three kids together and after having two lovely little girls, we hoped for a boy.
Anyway, the answer to the question used to be “No”. Like I said, maybe it was partly because we just didn’t want to think about it.
The honest answer is “of course we are”. How could we not be. The chances of having a boy with autism is 4 times greater than that of having a girl with it. The fact that we already have a girl with it makes us nervous about our son.
The worry strikes at me every now and then. When he’s not babbling as much as he did the day before. When too much time goes by and he hasn’t smiled. When he won’t look at me when I’m talking to him. Then I sit back and remind myself that he’s only five months old. What five month old do you know makes total eye contact while having a conversation?
They tell you not to compare your children, but like most parents, I do it anyway. Rayne reached all her milestones either ahead of time, or right on time. Then again, so did Bella. Rayne was walking by a year old, and Bella was too. However, while Rayne was babbling up a storm at 5 months old, making sounds at 7 months and speaking her first words by 9… Bella wasn’t. Bella was quiet, unless she was crying. Besides at night, she would only really cry to let me know she was hungry. She didn’t babble or coo until she was almost 9 months old. Since then, she’s gotten much more vocal, but has yet to actually speak her first word. Sometimes, call it wishful thinking, she does sound like she’s talking, only in a language that I don’t understand.
Our son is developing just fine. He’s reach all his milestones right on time and unlike his big sister, babbles and coos all the time. He does make great eye contact and he identifies faces. He has great muscle tone and smiles and laughs in reaction to what you’re doing. These are all great, positive signs that help us have a more optimistic view of the future.
Cy and I have discussed this at length. We realized that overanalyzing everything that our son does will only drive us crazy. Not only that but while we’re busy trying to decide if what he’s doing is a “sign” or not, we’re missing all the great baby things that he’s doing. Kids grow up way to fast to spend the entire time they’re babies worrying about what COULD be.
With all that said, if there comes a time and we’re told that our son is on the spectrum, it’s not like we don’t know what to do. We’d get him evaluated and set the ball rolling the same way we did for Bella. The thought of having two kids with autism is daunting at times, but there’s no way to know how it would effect him, IF he has it at all. Right now, he seems just fine and even though he's way too young to really show many signs, the vocalizing alone makes us feel better about the future.
So, there will come a day when we have to worry about all of that. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t that day either. Today, we enjoy his laughter and his smiles. Tomorrow we enjoy all the new things he’ll discover. After all, they are only babies once.
